First of all I prayed the prayer that I feared for sooo long...
*Lord break me, so that you can use me*
Let me tell you God answers these kind of prayers... :)
He started gently to break things away I hold on to for a long time!
But when God does that something new can grow...
I'm so amazed of what God did the last few months...
As some of you know I have been to Belize 5 years ago for about 7 month and when I came home to Germany I tried to forget this land because I knew I couldn't go back for a long time...
I didn't have peace and no money...
5 years I prayed for peace and for my bank account that God would take care... but it seemed like nothing changed...
People told me I live in sin because I promised God one year and I only stayed 7 month...
That was the hardest thing and time ever...
I wanted to be in Gods will... should I go back even that I and my family didn't have peace???
I didn't go back but I had to fight with doubts for a long time...
When some of my friends came back from a mission trip to Belize I had to leave the room when they shared because I thought "I live in sin that I'm here, I miss the people so much but I'm not able to go back"...
God Himself was so loving to me the whole time... he showed me that "He knows what He is doing" and "He prepares everything"!
The last 2 weeks my Belizian Daddy Clive (a missionary in Belize who took care of me when I was there) was here in Germany and the first thing he asked me if I would like to come back to Belize for 2 or 3 weeks...
After praying about it I got peace :) the kind of peace I needed so much to know it is ok to go :)
You can't imagine how I felt - I'll see my Belizian family again :) :) :)
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Oh how I miss them!!!
The last 5 years were really difficult for me in the area of money... When I left for Belize I took all the money I had with me because I thought I would never come back to Germany (I thought and planned but God lead me back :) )... so when I came back I started Bible College and all the money I earned at my job in the semester breaks flowed into 2 years of Bible College... and when I didn't have enough I had to borrow money from people that I had to pay back over the years... 5 years of praying for God's mercy and for Gods provision...
I'm praising God that now - exactly this month - I'm clear of the debts that I had to pay back to the people who borrowed me money...
Why I write that?...
I just want to glorify God trough that...
I'm an example and witness of how God takes care of His people; that He has a plan - a plan for every single step...
God took care of me and provided everything I needed...
He also gave me an amazing job/ministry here at Hands of Hope and in the childrens ministry!
I stand in awe of how he took care of me every single day!
I totally believe that He didn't want me to go back earlier... He could have done everything He is doing now much earlier but He didn't... for a reason that only He knows!
But now He opened a door for me to go back... maybe not for a long time but I would love to go back for 3 weeks to visit everyone and to get involved again in the church in Belize... my second homeland...
So as you can read through these lines...
Even in the hardest times God is there... I don't know what I would do without Him!!!
God gave me two verses since I was born (my parents gave me this verse when I got baptized as a child) and God is so faithful to fulfill these verses...
Delight yourself also in the Lord
And He shall give you the desires of your heart
Commit your ways unto Him
Trust also in Him
And He shall bring it to pass
Psalm 37:4-5
May you be blessed and encouraged through this testimony of Gods love and provision!
