(I was full time staff part time in the children’s ministry and part time at Hands of Hope).
During the time of praying I had “March” in my mind – some change would come in March. When March came up my coworker told me that she would work less for ChapelKids so I thought “Ok maybe that’s the change I prayed for”. So I stayed in the ministry.
In May I was really broken and close to a burn out….
We had a leadership conference and on the last day I told God before the session that I would quit everything and would work “a normal job” again if He wouldn't speak to me differently – I couldn’t go on like this.
The first words the preacher said that morning were “Some of you may feel like quitting but God tells you “No! – continue”.
He started to talk about the story of Peter stepping out of the boat. He said that 12 disciples were in the boat but only Peter did the step of faith – the other 11 could have tried it too but only watched Peter and stayed in it…
I was touched – I wanted to step out – I didn’t want to stay in the boat… I prayed again but then there were some changes in the leadership again and another person started to work with us at ChapelKids. I really like this guy and it’s fun to work with him so I thought again “Ok then this is probably the change God talks about”…
4 month ago I had to go through a very hard time and many hardships… The only prayer I prayed was “Lord I can’t go on like this - help me!” I felt weak, not worthy to work for the Lord and broken before God and people. Thank God I had friends, family and the elders praying for me!
Then a few weeks ago I went to a retreat from a mission’s organization. It was my vacation time but because I did the childcare for them for 2 weeks the organization let me go for free. I told an elder of my church and a close friend to pray for me during that time because I needed God to speak to me.
The kids kept us very busy. One afternoon when we had some time off I went to a bench to just sit there, enjoy nature, read my book and write my journal.
“Unfortunately” I forgot my jacket. I didn’t want to go back yet so I went for a walk in the forest nearby to get warm. The next day my friend and I wanted to do a paper chase so I thought I would start to prep the walk already through taking pictures and thinking about questions we could use.
I listened to Hillsong and one song touched my heart. It was about surrender everything and trusting God.
Right there I prayed that God would speak to me – which I longed for so much for God to tell me what to do concerning ChapelKids. I had little faith but thought that God could even use a bee or a butterfly to speak to me BUT nothing happened. I saw a stone that’s like a heart and wrote “I will follow” on it and continued my walk.
I don’t know how much time went by until I came to a parting of the way. I was excited because this was a really good pic for the paper chase and a good question.
All of a sudden – (I never before had such a moment) it was like somebody standing next to me saying “How funny – this is exactly how you feel in your life right now, isn’t it”…
I looked around and saw nobody. I thought about it for a moment but continued to walk…
Then I looked to the left side and saw a bench between two trees that I couldn’t see before… Again I heard that voice asking me “How long do you want to continue sitting there until you decide which way to go? – No one will come to you telling you what to do. You can either start walking or staying on that bench”….
I didn’t want to sit down on the bench because it got late already and I had to be back at a certain time so I decided to go the direction that was closer to the house we stayed in.
Along the way I saw really nice flowers and I was excited that I saw the house from far.
Then I walked a little bit into the forest because there were even nicer flowers. In the middle of “no-where” I saw another bench.
Again that voice said “You can decide to stay on that bench – waiting for an open door or for people to tell you what to do but let me tell you no one will come and tell you. In your heart you know what to do but if you decide to stay on it, it will be rotten and overgrown soon.”…
At that point I broke down. I told God that I’m sick of just staying in my comfort zone. In that moment I remembered the story of Peter and what the preacher said – I didn’t want to stay in that boat anymore watching other people stepping out in faith – I wanted to be one of them! At that point I knew when I would get home I would have to quit my job in the children’s ministry. So I prayed for God to give me the strength I would need to step out. When I wanted to go back to the path I saw to the left a rotten tree trunk with a new blossom growing out of it.
I cried because I got reminded of the verse saying
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland“ Isaiah 43:19
The last few months I felt like being in a wilderness or a rotten tree. The coolest thing is that I passed that rotten tree before I saw the bench but I didn’t see or realized it. I only saw it after I decided to step out of the boat!
When I got home from the retreat I talked to my elder and my friend. They both prayed for me during the last few months and I prayed that God would show them when it would be wrong for me to quit – but they too had perfect peace.
I got peace that still passes my understanding. I taught and sang in the children’s ministry for over 10 years. I love kids especially those I spent time with every Sunday. I love to sing and the worship team that I was allowed to lead the last couple of years became a wonderful team.
Two weeks ago I started to think about the situation in a human way. I cried because I realized that God asked me to not only quit my job but also quit singing in the kids worship team and teaching the Strolche (age 7-8) – after 10 years… I also thought about the money issue and started to worry. I prayed that night that God would put His arms around me that He would comfort me and give me peace – and He did. He lovingly put His arms around me and asked me “Do you still trust me?” Wow… I still have Goosebumps…
I still live and work part time at Hands of Hope and I loooooove it. I prayed about going back into a “normal job” but I got a “Do you still trust me?”.
My heart beats for fulltime ministry and I believe that’s my calling. I want to be faithful in the small things which means - trusting God that where He guides He’ll provide.
Well, that’s my stepping out….
Please if you read that just take some time to pray for me! That I might stay strong in the Lord and that I'm open for what God has for me next. Thank you.
God is in control ~ your sister in Christ
